My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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