They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
