Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
