he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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