Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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