Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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