I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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