Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
