No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
