Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
