WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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