there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
