This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
