he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
