That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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