guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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