I met the friendliest cop last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
