I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
