i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
