I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
