it was like eating out sand paper
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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