dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
