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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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