I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You can't just leave with hair like that
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
