you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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