is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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