We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
