apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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