i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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