just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
