I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
