wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
