wakey wakey hands off snakey
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
