I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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