If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
