I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
