i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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