There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
well you can't waste a boner
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
