and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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