i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
