id be glad to
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
