her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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