At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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