And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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