you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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