Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
