bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
