Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You've changed since you got that strap on
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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