his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Floor bacon is actually really good
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
