Don't you send me to vm
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
