i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
