I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
